Pocket-stealing pickpocket
In a bizzare turn of events today, pockets from all over the city have gone missing. The police issued a statement warning the citizens of Ludwigsfelde that a literal "pocket-stealing pickpocket" was on the loose, though police hoped to have the culprit in custody within the next 48 hours.
"This kind of criminal is the worst and is not welcome in this city." says the chief commissioner. "It is a constant frustration when petty thieves cross the line and go to the next level. Instead of being happy with taking things out of the pocket, they have to take the whole pocket which is just not acceptable"
Experts are predicting major consequences and after-effects of this vicious crime. The victims are finding themselves standing in the street, exposed to the crowds.
"The levels of exposure vary," explains leading expert of pocket disappearances, Kip Tekop. "For example, it the victim was wearing cargo pants and one of the lower pockets is stolen then the exposure is at a minimum and has no lasting effects. However, in the more extreme cases, a back pocket is stolen and exposure is extreme with the victim inadvertantly baring all."
Due to the new threat of involuntary exposure, demand for underwear has more then tripled. It seems that our citizens have taken to the thought that if they are exposed, at least they will have something nice to show off. Also, some extremists have taken to wearing more then one pair of pants. Not only has this lead to a bizzare new fashion of wearing shorts overtop trousers overtop longjohns but is also believed to have contributed to the increase of emergency calls regarding people collapsing on the street.
In a bizzare turn of events today, pockets from all over the city have gone missing. The police issued a statement warning the citizens of Ludwigsfelde that a literal "pocket-stealing pickpocket" was on the loose, though police hoped to have the culprit in custody within the next 48 hours.
"This kind of criminal is the worst and is not welcome in this city." says the chief commissioner. "It is a constant frustration when petty thieves cross the line and go to the next level. Instead of being happy with taking things out of the pocket, they have to take the whole pocket which is just not acceptable"
Experts are predicting major consequences and after-effects of this vicious crime. The victims are finding themselves standing in the street, exposed to the crowds.
"The levels of exposure vary," explains leading expert of pocket disappearances, Kip Tekop. "For example, it the victim was wearing cargo pants and one of the lower pockets is stolen then the exposure is at a minimum and has no lasting effects. However, in the more extreme cases, a back pocket is stolen and exposure is extreme with the victim inadvertantly baring all."
Due to the new threat of involuntary exposure, demand for underwear has more then tripled. It seems that our citizens have taken to the thought that if they are exposed, at least they will have something nice to show off. Also, some extremists have taken to wearing more then one pair of pants. Not only has this lead to a bizzare new fashion of wearing shorts overtop trousers overtop longjohns but is also believed to have contributed to the increase of emergency calls regarding people collapsing on the street.
"People are just not being responsible about the weather," commented one paramedic today. "Of course if you go out on a warm summer day with 3 or 4 layer of clothing then you are going to overheat.
The paramedic preferred to stay anonymous but did say that his real dream was to become a mechanic.
And finally, world-renowned jeans label "Levi" are being sued on charges of false advertising. In Levi's string of commercials that were recently released, Levi jeans are proclaimed to be "tough" and are likened to such materials as leather and four-wheel drive vehicles. The individual suing the company say the ads are misleading and "are not nearly as tough as shown, trust me I know".
Though details were not given in regards to the comment, it is believed to be connected to the pocket stealing pickpocketer.
Well, there ya go. Hope you have been warned...
14 comments:
He he he very cool! Hey how come I can't see you your profile on Bebo? I got an email saying you that you have added me?
Teri
Excuse me Teri but this is not really the place for your personal problems. :P
Joking joking, though there is such a thing as emailing ya know! Bebo has gone spastic on me and I am trying to create a new page but it wont let me, says all 4 of my email adresses are already in use which is impossible.
Sorry :P
well I know I am sure to get answer if I leave a comment :)I know what it is, the system is rebelling against you cause you have too many addresess and you change them too often ;p. Its freezing over here, whats it like there?
True true. I hear your in good ol Whanga's visiting the whanau! Give each of em a big kiss from me. Except the the boys cause I don't want boy germs. Too late for you, but not for me!
I am sick because of the weather here so no school. Its not that its freezing, just much colder then Egypt and so my body got a little annoyed with me. Anything that gets me out of Political studies is a Godsend though so I'm not complaining! So...when are you guys planning on starting a family?
egyption police are searching for some missing boy germs.
They are believed to have been stolen from a swimming pool in a foriegn dog hotel.
They warn that if consumed they may cause illness.
Long term effects could include a need to fly around the world constantly like a moskito round a light bulb.
egyption police are searching for some missing boy germs.
They are believed to have been stolen from a swimming pool in a foriegn dog hotel.
They warn that if consumed they may cause illness.
Long term effects could include a need to fly around the world constantly like a moskito round a light bulb.
What are you on now dad? I think I will speak to that doctor of yours...brain damage is a good excuse and all but can only be taken so far.
Oh, and the rules haven't changed, you only need to post your comment once. Funny world we live in huh.
Yes we did get to see some of the Whanau but missed out on seeing yours!! They came over to see us but we had gone into town with Laura. Hope you feel better soon. I see where you get your sense of humour from :)Starting a family?? We already have a big one, 5 on my side + 10 on Joels = 15 thats big enough :)
What???? Oh, so your just going to dis-own us are you? Well fine, we dont want you anyway!
Ha ha ha and if we count all cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents then we don't even need to think about Joel and I starting a family do we ;p
Teri
Besides...how do you figure that there are 5 on your side?? Don't tell me you've been hiding a sibling from me! I want to meet this mystery cousin-in-law of mine!!
And I thought you could count ???
Dad + Mum + Brother + Brother + Me = 5 :)
And I thought YOU could count!?
How are their only ten on Joels side then?
Sister + sister + sister + sister + sister + brother + sister + brother + Joel + sister + Uncle Les + Anne.
Ha!! thats 12!!!
wow so there is actually 17 of us! which brings me back to my point all along, why do we even need to think about Joel and I starting a family??? :)
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